I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
