I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
