i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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