For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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