mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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