I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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