We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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