We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
