we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm like, not good at living.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
