oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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