I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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