My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
