I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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