I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Damn victory sex feels great
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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