That's when you crack a 10am beer
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
