Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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