i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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