I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
