I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
