I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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