I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
