Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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