We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
