How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
