some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
