Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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