I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize