My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
