So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
