the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
