And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So squirting runs in the family.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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