ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
