im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
