So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
