Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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