Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
