I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
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The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
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It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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