I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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