what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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