i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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