i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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