ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
