There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Randomize
