I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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