so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
