I accidentally had phone sex last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
