My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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