I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
