I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your cock deserves a montage
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
