I just threw up on my dentist
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize