make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
