Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
pray to the hookup gods
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
