After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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