not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
