Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
