idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
