Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
