Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
