shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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