I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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