What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I AM VODKA MAN
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
