can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
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