you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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