Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
