Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
