where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
