I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
