So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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