She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize