I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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