Whats the glycemic index on semen?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
